Lyrics and other amusing things

Alcohol - Brad Paisley
I can make anybody pretty, I can make you believe any lie
I can make you pick a fight with somebody twice your size

Well, I've been known to cause a few breakups
And I've been known to cause a few births
I can make you new friends or get you fired from work

And since the day I left Milwaukee, Lyncheburg Bourbon, France
Been makin' the bars with lots of big money and helpin' white people dance
I got you in trouble in high school but college, now, that was a ball
You had some of the best times, you'll never remember with me
Alcohol, alcohol

I got blamed at your wedding reception for the best man's emberrasing speech
And also for those naked pictures of you at the beach
I've influenced kings and world leaders, I helped Hemingway write like he did
And I'll bet you a drink or two that I can make you put that lampshade on your head

'Cause since the day I left Milwaukee, Lyncheburg Bourbon, France
Been makin' a fool out of folks just like you and helpin' white people dance
I am medicine and I am poison, I can help you up or make you fall
You had some of the best times, you'll never remember with me
Alcohol

And since the day I left Milwaukee, Lyncheburg Bourbon, France
Been makin' the bars with lots of big money and helpin' white people dance
Yeah, I got you in trouble in high school but college, now, that was a ball
You had some of the best times, you'll never remember with me
Alcohol, alcohol

You Know You're From Connecticut When...

You have hiked up a big hill or small mountain at least once for a keg party. You never went to a bar in high school. You thought that the only highways were 91 and 84. You thought everyone couldn't buy beer after 8 pm You actually thought that Hartford was big You or someone you know has attended UCONN You drive a JETTA You still think that the Whalers are cool. You have been to Misquamicut and to that little hot dog place. There is a farm within miles of your house You thought bars were really for people over 21 Your high school thanksgiving football game was the highlight of your school year. You don't have an accent when you talk You have known at least 2 preppy rich kids from Fairfield who listen to Phish. You love Hilton Kaderli and your mom cried when he retired. UConn basketball rules and no one can tell you different You have deer in your backyard. You didn't drink or do drugs until 10th grade. You still don't understand why people say that Connecticut is the richest state..... Your best friend went to Central, Western, Eastern and finally Manchester Community College. Your mom works at Travelers and your dad works at Pratt and Whitney. You have been drunk at the Meadows and don't remember the concert. You go to Riverside at least once a summer Your parents actually care about the Governor, the Patriots coming to Hartford, the lights at Christmas in Hartford & Channel 3 news. You have a UCONN flag outside of your house year round You think New Jersey was a toxic waste dump You hang out at Denny's You've partied at bonfires You have at least one friend with a pickup You think everyone works tobacco in the summer You think Old Lyme is a shore town You've been to Cape Cod You think the Connecticut River is endless The town diner is the only place open after midnight. You have at least 4 friends who drive Jeep Grand Cherokees You root for all the New York sports teams If anybody asks, you're from just outside of New York. You've never looked at a public bus schedule You have both girlfriends and guyfriends with the same name as you. You go to the diner late night to post party. You think New Haven is the worst ghetto you've ever seen You can proudly tell an outsider about Nutmeg. You weekend either on the Cape or Rhode Island at a summer home You have said... " I'm in a good location... Between both Boston and New York." You can carry on a conversation about Mike Liut, Torrie Robertson, and the Brass Bonanza. You have to explain Cow Tipping to people from out of state. When you go to a real city, you sincerely feel bad for every poor / homeless person you see. You get pissed at anyone who doesn't know how to drive in the snow. You can name all the members of the UCONN men's and women's basketball teams. You still can't find your way in Hartford (except for that bar area near Union Station.) You hold the door open for someone and they don't say "Thank You." You own a golden or a lab (used to...) You own real Oakley's You only know Westbrook and Clinton because they have good outlets You don't think you're a yuppie, but the rest of the country does You only ski in Vermont or out West Your mother is the head of the PTA There is absolutely nothing to do in the winter You live twenty minutes form either an Abercrombie & Fitch, J. Crew, or GAP. You sail, or know someone who does. You don't understand why everyone else has not been to Europe. You can't get through the week with out a Coffee Coolata Your family owns more cars than legal drivers School attire is a North Face fleece jacket, a North Face Fleece or L.L. Bean back pack, a plaid shirt, khakis, and Doc Martins. Summer footwear is either Reefs or Birks You carry your keys on a carabineer, but you don't know how to rock climb. You feel for the homeless, but are not willing to give up the golf course land to develop a homeless shelter. As a child you took horseback riding, golfing, tennis and swimming lessons. You grew up wanting to be a lifeguard You own every DMB CD The state is so small you know where all the speed traps are You can't understand why people don't understand what your talking about when you refer to a "package" store You went to prep school even though your public schools are awesome People actually wear sweaters around their necks You've never taken public transportation You know of at least one person who's house was totally trashed after a huge party Your mom drives a Volvo wagon You have at least one friend whose house was built in the 1800's You live in a huge colonial You know at LEAST one person who has been pulled over and found to have weed in their car The only overcrowding is of deer in your backyard Your house would cost half as much in any other state Your wardrobe contains at least three pairs of cords and five wool sweaters Half of your friends are from another town because yours is so small At least one of your friends has a sick house right on the water You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Connecticut.

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