Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden and thoughts spun from

Now that I'm done, I can say that it was a good book. I was so angry at Pumpkin, as A. told me I would be, but ultimately relieved that, for the most part, Sayuri got her happy ending.

No quotes from this book, but it does make one want to read some history about the geisha, put yourself on a plane and fly to Japan or something. It was an interesting society, very different from what we know.

In other news, I'm feeling very off lately. I'm not depressed for myself, but rather depressed for some of the people around me. I'm feeling rather empathic, and I just hope that the people who I'm close to who are sad or losing hope can start to come out of it. No matter what people say, I do really think that things, ultimately, will get better. I know being "with" someone isn't the be-all and end-all of life, but to hear people say that it's not in their cards, that they won't ever have that...it makes me want to either cry or throttle the person. I haven't decided which.

But these feelings have led to me thinking about my own life, what I want and don't want, what I've got and whether it's what I need. I've become preoccupied with money again, and also am feeling very picky about men. The two are unrelated, but that's where my mind has been lately. I haven't met anyone who has excited me (while sober) in a very long time. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for, just something stimulating...mostly mentally. I'd like a challenge, a support system...I don't know what else. But whatever vibe I'm giving off is not attracting that sort of person.

Cleo says hello.

I'm really hoping Europe works out for real this year because I think I need the trip; I need to do something so ridiculously uncomfortable that I can't stop talking about it when I'm done. I have to go get my passport picture taken soon; I think I'll do that before the end of the week.

I went to the gym yesterday, then didn't go after work today. Now I'm looking at the clock, thinking about my laundry, and wondering, if I can't hit the gym when this load comes out of the dryer. I know I NEED to work out, especially after the way I've been eating, but I'm not feeling particularly motivated to do so. Maybe it's the winter weather that makes me want to curl up in a ball and just watch TV until my eyes rot out of my head. I should be working on stuff for school, or something, but there's nothing really making me want to do that, either. Even my portfolio...I put SO much energy into worrying about it in November that now, suddenly, I just don't care. And I know I should, because it's rather important to my continued life as a teacher.

And what happens if I fail? Do I really have anything to fall back on? The answer is no. After this, I'm fresh out of ideas. I just hope to God, or whomever else is listening, that I get through this successfully and then I can worry about other things. I'm sort of looking for a new job, but part of me wants to just stick it out and see what happens. If there's a regime change from on high, or even just within our building, things might get better. There have been days lately when I've hated it though. Not the actual teaching, because I'm starting to get comfortable with that finally. But the parents, the administration...gah, it all makes me so furious sometimes.

Please, all of you who plan on having children, do NOT coddle them. Teach them responsibility from an early age. Understand that, 99.99% of the time, your child's teacher is in the right. Yes your child is special, but that doesn't make him/her perfect. My job would be much easier if they were all perfect.

Off to rescue laundry and then venture out of the house to go to the gym at 6pm. Wish me luck!