Geek In the Pink

Monday, September 19, 2005

Having Trouble Sleeping? Why, yes, thank you.

So this is the new game. Starting at about 12:30 in the morning, I wake up every hour for no discernible reason. The cat is just lying there, sleeping. The fan is still going. Absolutely no reason for me to not be sleeping. Yet both Saturday and Sunday nights...guess what?

Part of this is because I'm feeling very...insecure lately. Actually, probably within the last 72 hours or so. A certain blog has been making me feel like karma is not fair. And I don't want to complain about my life, and I know it's pretty much all untrue...but what if it isn't? How is it possible that he's doing better than I am? And why do I care?

And of course, as I'm PMSing, I'm getting unexplainably moody, as a bi-product of the insecurity. Had a conversation with "person of interest" last night that...let the wind out of my sails a little bit. (Yeah, look, I'm being truthful and admitting how my life really is. *ahem*) Not that it's over, or anything like that...I just thought we were...farther along than I guess we are. And once again, Lady's social ineptitudes get her hurt, through nobody's fault but her own. Back to playing coy, I suppose. Isn't that what they like? I really don't even know anymore.

This morning was a morning I really could have not gotten up to go to the gym. After seeing those red numbers of death repeatedly, what I wouldn't give to be back in bed for another hour. But alas, and alack, I am being a good girl and going for my cardio instead. Wasn't really hungry when I woke up, which is unusual, so I only had a luna bar. No smilk in the house...have to buy more.

/end rant about my really not so sucky life.

posted by LadyVader @ 3:55 AM  

9 Comments:

  • At 9:59 AM , Blogger Likestrek said...

    Honestly, I'd rather women just were themselves so I could be. I've been tired of playing games for awhile now as you know. It hasn't gotten me anywhere but...That said I too worry what will happen when they discover how my life really is. It's a sticky situation but I think that's just par for the course. Oh, and don't read anyone's blog but mine where you're guaranteed not to feel inferior...

     

  • At 11:56 AM , Blogger Tusc said...

    Greetings.

    First, Karen knows I don't lie.
    Second, it very well may be karma... none of you know what karmic experiences I faced this summer and the relative LIGHT return for my expense.
    Third, Rob and Shelley are the only ones to write because the rest of my friends could care less about wasting time online. Also, I don't post everything about my life online.... there is far far more that I keep on the phone or out at the bar with the guys.

    In short. It's all true, and it's not even the whole story. As for karma, I've been out so much recently that it's no wonder I'm home with a sinus infection this morning. LOL

    But I want to say one thing. At this point it doesn't hurt. I'm finally happy for the first time in at least two years. I don't hold a grudge against K. From my perspective, I believe she was holding onto me as a 'safety' guy while her feelings faded and then when I ante'd up and started taking care of myself and working at the relationship she saw her feelings weren't there and just didn't know how to back out gracefully. It happens. I've had to be the bearer of bad news several times this year and it's no fun to say "I'm just not feeling you" to anyone.

    But to respond to her original post... Karen, don't sweat it. You are attractive, intelligent and know how to shake your booty. What more can the guys ask?

    From personal experience.... I've learned to be a bit more.... shall I say guarded? about keeping my heart on my sleeve. 4 out of 5 women this summer professed that they "love me" within WEEKS. WEEKS... that can't be true love. And these are girls of relative similar age and education and common sense to myself.... and as strong an individual as you are. From a guy's perspective, having experienced what I've experienced.... we get suspect of the girls who latch on. Why so quick? Is she sane? Does she just see me as 'safe'? Me being me, I take into account that they may be true feelings.... I mean, I always feel things deeply so I give the benefit of the doubt. Still, I don't know how long you and your beau have been together, but I still stand on the 'several month' rule. It may actually be said sort of LATE by that point, but if no one has eluded to the "I love you" by 3 to 5 months.... then it may be time to reconsider. It might be "I miss you" leading up to "I love spending time with you" and etc for a long time before you get what you want to hear.

    And remember, too, that everyone has different life experiences. Some people are VERY VERY afraid to say those words for one reason or another. Others say them too willingly and it sort of cheapens the feeling.

    I dunno what else to say. Just don't doubt yourself. You have nothing to doubt. Walk tall and find someone better if it's not working, that's all. It takes a day to shed a tear, but only 5 minutes to find someone new.

    I apologize if my blog makes you feel a certain way. My only concern is that you seem to believe I deserve a certain karma for some reason. Why worry about my karma? Who cares? I'm just another of several billion people on the planet living life. To be honest, when I found out you had someone again I felt happy... cuz I knew you were all set and happy again. I'm sorry it's not turning out as you wanted, or not as fast, but until you find 'the one' it will keep going that way. It's the same with every relationship, I believe.

    As for approaches... every guy likes something different... but I would caution against just playing coy in the same way I would advise not wearing your heart on your sleeve too early on. We, well... I, don't like player girls. And girls who show how jaded or cold they are is unattractive, also a red alert.

    I dunno what else there is to say. As to getting hurt by 'social ineptitudes'.. that may not be the case. I mean, you're not inept at anything. I see you doing the right thing... feeling, loving, following your heart. Those are GOOD things and can't be viewed as wrong in any light. It might get you hurt from time to time, but it can never be wrong to feel for someone. In one sense, life is pain. But glory in it, because you're alive and it's something new. And know, too, that something better will follow. That's how life is. I hesitate to point out that, like you now, I thought life pretty much sucked in May. Hope goes and hides for a while when you're hurt like that.

    But anyway, it seems to be an odd repeating circumstance that I read your blog on days when I'm home sick. LOL Sinus infection... I blame my co-workers' kids! Dirty little beasts! Or maybe it was because I was down on the floor of the Grange wrestling with Trevor, Kayleigh and Matthew Saturday. I love those guys. I want one! LOL

    To 'phatphylis', they're not all conquests, just people I date. Have to separate the wheat from the chaff, you know? And I looking for the right one for me.... not easy. A lot of trial and error and trying different personalities. Unless you mean the other blog.... in which case, that is something I am going to erase. I began writing it one day, but you will also noticed that I stopped very early on and have not revisited it. I began it during a feeling of being high on myself, though I admit now that it is in poor taste. I guess I knew that the next day after writing it, hence no further postings.

    Anyway, to K... don't sweat it. I figure it's mostly PMSing making you feel this way and you'll bounce right back... by the time you read this, perhaps? And I stopped trying to maintain a friendship connection w/ you when I realized you still had some darker feelings for me. I don't begrudge you holding onto them, but I didn't want to be involved too closely with someone who would feel that way towards me. If your PC has more problems, Rob knows the parts I used and is probably a much better repairman than I would be anyway.

    Parting words? Life is what you make it. Make it good. Focus on the positive! And don't look back, just keep moving forward. And most of all, take care, because I prefer to think of you as being happy and self-confident.

    Be well,
    Brett

     

  • At 1:51 PM , Blogger Kelly said...

    Brett, PLEASE just shut the fuck up and go away. Have fun collecting and trading STDs.

     

  • At 1:52 PM , Blogger Tusc said...

    There is a distinct difference between being friendly and offering support and attacking someone. I am not and will not post anything here of a troublesome nature. I respect K too much for that. And please don't say that the post itself was disrespectful.

    Anyway, I only posted to be helpful. I still know parts of her better than the rest of you.

    You may re-commence with slicing and dicing me in effigy now if you wish. I'd prefer if the post could be accepted as the civil friendly approach it was given with, but perhaps that is too much to ask yet. Do what you will.

     

  • At 2:06 PM , Blogger Tusc said...

    ::shrugs:: Curses and slander... Ladies, please. I came in peace and will leave that way, save for a shake of my head. And thank you for clarifying precisely why I am better off where I am, than being subject to this. No man deserves it, though you will say I still do.

    Can't any of you just be happy? With yourselves? With your friends? Why do you delight in misfortune? There are much better ways to go through life than focusing on the bad things.

    Clean as a whistle, btw, and thank you for your concern.

    K, I'm sorry to have brought them out in force. I thought I was fairly clear and well-worded in my post so as not to raise this exact response. I apologize. I just saw you upset and wanted to reassure you. Take Care.

     

  • At 2:07 PM , Blogger Kelly said...

    It is too much to ask. Ever. Do I have to say it again? Go away. Karen already told you to leave her alone.

     

  • At 6:04 PM , Blogger JRRyan said...

    Hakuna matata, K. Another boy-toy milestone on the road to the Ultimate Hotness. hahahahaha If that were a tag-line for a movie, I'd buy it on DVD.

     

  • At 6:46 PM , Blogger Tusc said...

    See? I like her. She has the right approach. =)

     

  • At 12:06 PM , Blogger Anathema said...

    Sarah and Kelly are right. Respectfully, pretend you don't read it. Even if everyone knows you do. It just makes life a lot easier, and really prevents long term problems. It is (at the moment) simply a matter of courtesy, and nothing more.

    Em, dahling, we need to chat.

    K - I've said most of what I need to say in person. But for the record...deep breath and remember it could be worse. Besides which I think you may have over-reacted just a tiny bit (and only a tiny bit. Not that I would know anything about that. Ahem). And it could be worse. You and I both know that.

    As for karma, as the only one listed here with a direct connection to the people who came up with hte concept...this isn't karma of any sort. Believe me. I've got the texts to back that one up.

     

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