Mercy, Moms and Medical Mysteries

In my hung over stupor, I forgot to mention something mildly amusing that happened to me on Friday afternoon before I went to the prom. I was getting my eyebrows "done," across the street from the apartment and these two young women walked in, both wearing uniforms. Upon further inspection, I discovered that these girls were from my high school alma mater. So I struck up a bit of conversation with the darlings and they seemed oddly surprised that one such as myself went to such a hallowed institution. (Or not. But I did get a "You went to Mercy?" Take it as you may).

The Mercy Community, alive and well.

I told my mother about the concern I had over my drinking...she was really kind of non-reactionary, and I don't know how to take that. I guess I was hoping for more of a "If you feel that's what you need, we'll support you on it." *shrug* Oh well.

Had the last of the scheduled doctor's appointments today. Mr. Ear, Nose and Throat informed me that there was indeed some sort of lumpish thing on my glands/thyroid but nothing large (thanks, Dr. Obvious) and that he's not too worried. If however, Friday's scan does not show something diagnostic, I should call him back and he'll order some other scan-y bits to see wtf is wrong with me.

I said good-bye to my freshmen and seniors today. One senior is not going to pass for the year, another plagarized his end-of-semester assessment because he "couldn't do it," and told his guidance counselor to sign him up for next year. WTF? No, seriously...W.T.F? You could do a freakin' story-board/collage type thing if you wanted to...and this kid is saying he "couldn't do" the assessment...that he'd known about all year? There are no words to express the utter aggitation I feel at hearing that.

On the plus side, I did find out I get to miss half a day next Monday to go to training for something. Sweet!

Okay, off to burn chicken.

I need help

No, really. I should have seen this coming, it runs in the family, after all. Saturday night finally did it, though.

I have a drinking problem.

Do I think I need to go to AA? Unlikely. But I recognize now this is something I do not have control over; something that gets away from me quite easily, even when I don't mean for it to.

This is going to mean a lot of changes for me: no dinner parties with my parents, no going out with my brother, no going out roommate's friend's apartment for parties. Any vacations I take this summer will be curbed of this kind of enthusiasm.

I am really that bad.

Passive-Aggressive? Yes please.

(Some of this might be directed at you. I'll probably apologize later for how it came out.)

1. It's not like I can't handle change; I deal with change every day at work. This is about people following through on things. So if HUGE plans that have been discussed for well over a year are changing, just say it. Don't drag things out, saying "maybe" and "we'll see." Twice this year I've had major travel plans changed on me: plans I was so looking forward to in my new, free of strings state. No tickets had been purchased yet or anything like that, but the fact remains...people cannot seem to follow through on anything. If you know you're not going to be able to do ANYTHING, for fuck's sake, just say something. This applies to little plans too; if you have to back out of something, inform all other parties ahead of time.

2. I know I'm not the center of anyone's world, but I want to be included in worlds not just when things suck or when people want to gloat at the wonder of everything; could I be included just because? Part of this is my own doing, as I try to always be there for people when they need me, but this is the first time in a long time I've felt genuinely taken advantage of in this regard. The people I am talking about have lives, which I don't, and that's fine. But to come to me in your hour of need, then ignore me the rest of the time, until it's your hour of need again, well that's just inconsiderate. And when people ask for information, no matter how much it suck to give it to them, just do it, okay? Really, they can handle it.

3. I'm officially "the wheel" in all social situations at this point. This is no one's fault but my own. You were all cranky at some point for being "the wheel," so don't treat me like I SHOULDN'T feel somewhat awkward about this.

Spiderman ain't got nothin' on me

So today I was given an iodine pill so that tomorrow they can scan and take pictures of my innards to determine why my thyroid is all lumpy. They had to ask a million questions about if I was pregnant or not (ha!) as well as when the last time I had any X-rays done. After I was given the go-ahead to be exposed to radiation, they gave me the iodine pill and said "see ya tomorrow."

One of the perks of this was getting up an hour later than normal (hello, 6:30, and not being on the road) as well as getting into work for 8:30. That was nice. It didn't hurt that I didn't actually teach today, but rather graded exams and watched part of Braveheart. Also helped my mentor teacher organize some stuff. Everyone I work with laughs at me, but nothing makes me feel more accomplished than putting papers in binders.

I know I'm a freak, shut up.

I've decided to make an appearance at the prom, but not an overly-long one. I'll probably stay for food and a little bit of the party, then come back home. I'm hoping to catch X-3 tomorrow night (mmm...Wolverine.) Roommate and I have to do some serious baking for Saturday, as The Birthday Party is that night.

Hope everyone is excited for Friday.

Oh yes, West Coast Goddess must inform East Coast Goddess if we are traveling this summer or not.

Three Cheers...

for Tylenol Sinus. I took two of 'em just 2.5 hours ago and I already feel better. Are the symptons 100% gone? No, of course not. But I feel a little less "walking dead" and a little more "stressed and sniffley." Really, it's an improvement.

Today is the roommate's birthday. Her present has not arrived yet, but hopefully before the week is out she will be gifted. I mean, she's already gifted...you know what I mean.

I think I may have senior-itis worse than my students. Although I'm going to be back next year of my own accord; some of them might be spending their summer on English if they hope to return as well.

June 20th yet?

The Gym-Illness Paradox

Okay, so they tell us that if we workout we will be healthier. Okay, fine. So we go to the gym and we get buff and beautiful and we are adored by all.

Except when you are me. And you go to the gym for a week like a good girl and come down with a raging cold/sinus infection, which saps all your energy and makes you eat badly because you are sick.

W.T.F. is all I have to say about that.

I am trying to get with the happy about life, as it appears the biblical nature of the rain is over, and the end of the work year is approaching but I am still...blah. Things are just not going how I hoped they would be by this time and I'm feeling that general upheaval that comes upon me when I can't control stuff. Because then I start to second guess things, wonder how I've made my life more complicated, and generally become a miserable s.o.b to be around.

On the plus side, the seniors invited me to their prom. No, legitimately: I got an invitation in my mailbox and everything.

Rock, Paper, Scissors /edit

Remember this game from our youth? Okay, here's how it works: rock beats scissors, paper beats rock, scissors beat paper.

Now, to put this into the terms of our modern dating society:

Blonde beats Brains
Boobs beat Blonde
but Brains never beats anyone.

(how's that for alliteration? And look, I even made it a poem for you.)

And don't think you can combine Brains with any of these and have it somehow assist in the beating of anything else. Smart women are, apparently, not that desirable. Oh, lots of guys SAY they want a smart woman...but not too smart. Can't possibly be remotely intimidating. Else you are kicked to the proverbial curb (see poem above). Also, the one exception to this rule is dear Amanda. She has two out of the three (won't tell you which) and the boys love her. :)

On a slightly happier note, I went to see The DaVinci Code last night at the drive-in with my brother and his girlfriend. I can understand why the critics had trouble with the pacing, but there's a lot of stuff that needs to be explained; you can't just show people this stuff and hope they'll get it. There were a few changes made from the novel (probably for time's sake), but on the whole it was a fairly accurate and faithful to the book. Tom Hanks did not piss me off, so that should tell you something.

All right, I have two rather pathetic looking cats staring at me now, so I suppose I should give them their morning meal. Hope everyone is having a fantabulous weekend and that your Sunday lives up to its name.

CSI Finale

Okay, the whole plot-line was stupid (except for the Brass thing) and I still maintain....

THERE IS NO CHEMISTRY! SARA-GIL MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE AND THE WRITERS NEED TO BE SHOT...LIKE BRASS. ONLY UNLIKE BRASS, THEY SHOULD REALLY DIE!

That is all.

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.

I wonder how many of my problems would be solved by Ewan McGreggor. Drool. Anyway.

I am putting out a plea to anyone who has my address...PLEASE send me some really upbeat music to which I can workout. I'm finding my own library to be rather limited and boring when it comes to this sort of thing.

Oh, and by the way, I want everyone to know that I used some serious self-restraint and, when I could have gotten some this weekend, I didn't because I knew I was only going to see this guy because I'm depressed. Yay me for...saying no to sex?

That sounded better in my head. :)

A Bit Too Biblical

Yeah, so this rain? Can go away any time now. Honestly, if I wanted to be wet 90% of the year, I'd move to fucking Seattle.

Anyhoo.

I went to the gym yesterday and today, after Thor knows how long, and it felt pretty good. Of course, yesterday I came home and gorged on con queso but we'll consider it baby steps. I have been eating better on the whole, and cheating with green tea pills which my mother is having luck with. Since I've been feeling like a bloated cow lately, I'll take the help where I can get it.

Two more-or-less uneventful days at work so far (knock on wood), with one more day of these hellish brutes before my freshmen and seniors come back. I am, by far, the slowest teacher of Julius Caesar in the department and I don't know why. It has something to do with the fact that I'm gone all the time from this cycle, I'm sure. I thought it would go faster, but the kids are being SO freaking lazy. Ug. And I hate all the trees I'm killing to give them the "dumbed down" version, but it's easier than pulling teeth with them. And, to tell a family secret, the freaking thing isn't even on the final, so I don't really know why I have to teach it anyway. We've seen the death of Caesar, I'm seriously considering just showing the movie for the rest of it when they come back. Some of these kids are SO not ready for the final, it isn't even funny.

What else? I think I have this nebulous crush-type thing on one of my brother's friends. Mostly, I think he's good looking, and I've noticed him checking me out. We went out en masse a few times this weekend, and I did my best to flirt, so we shall see. My mother totally called me on it on Sunday, but I lied and said no, I did not have romantic intentions towards the young man. Which isn't actually a lie.

Anyway, we're trying to get a group together to go see The DaVinci Code this weekend. Mindy suggested a drive-in, weather permitting, which sounded cool.

Friday?

On Students

I just wanted to share a few stories (some positive, some negative) about my students from this past week.

Case Number One: My Fifth Period Class.

I bounced three students in 20 minutes. The first student got his walking papers for hucking a hard-boiled egg at a classmate. The second student followed shortly thereafter for telling an African American classmate, "I can't understand you; your lips rub together." The third student, a girl, found herself on the way to the office for yelling, "Shut the fuck up!" at a classmate.

Case Number Two: My First Period Honors Sophomores

Okay, so we're doing Julius Caesar and we're having varying degrees of success with it, depending on the day. In case anyone didn't know, the phrase "It's all Greek to me" comes from this play. Anyway, I went on a little tangent about the T-shirt which says the exact same thing on it...only in Greek. Do you know about 3 or 4 of my kids actually wanted the thing? Later on in this same class, one kid informed us that Menelaus (you know, the guy from the Iliad) was one of the conspirators against Caesar. Now, while I'm ecstatic he remembered the guy's name, this was pretty funny.

Sidebar to finish post: Things are better with the brother. Thankfully.

New Outlook

I know Leila's not a big fan of this color, but I thought I needed a new outlook on life and that the old one was a little dark.

Today, by best estimations, is the 1-year-mark of my freedom from a bad relationship I was in for far too long. Fitting that today is also the day I am turning in the one thing that really does determine my future, at least as far as teaching goes. Please everyone say a "Lady will pass" prayer whenever you think about it over the next few months. We'll either have elation or a nervous breakdown in September.

My brother is not having a good go of things; he was in court for the "incident" last year, and from all accounts was not particularly pleasant with his girlfriend on Wednesday night. I talked to both of them yesterday, told her not to take it personally, told him to buy her flowers. Then I get a phone call at 10:15 last night, he nearly in tears, asking if he can come over. 15-20 minutes later he calls back, saying he's turned around, he's "Got to fix this," and that was the last I've heard from him. I was hoping he'd call me last night or today at some point...I'll probably give him a call in about an hour or so. I'm just very worried about him...he's NEVER sounded like that before. Oy. Vey.

I also had the pleasure of my driver's side window jumping the track again, neccessitating me driving home yesterday so my mechanic could fix it, and then eating dinner with my parents and having some wine.

There are some days, when the money gets tight, that I seriously consider packing it all up and going back home. But then I think about what that looks like and also realize that, as an adult, I really should be able to handle this, just make better choices. I love my parents, but I don't think a person can move back in after being on his/her own. College is different...this the real world.

My mocha and I hope everyone has a good day. I'm hoping things are settled with my brother. *worry worry*

In case I snap at you...

1. Yes, I am pissed off right now about things I can't change.
2. Yes, I am depressed over various things in my life.
3. Yes, I have a lot on my mind.
4. No, there's really nothing anyone can do about it.

That being said, I'm going to try to weasel my way out of my hellacious (sp?) 5th period class today because I have to work on my portfolio. I can't ask for a sub during my 2nd period study hall because I need that time to finish grades (stupid procrastinators). I don't know how long it's going to take, so I don't want to cram it all into my 6th period prep. Let's hope the VP takes pity on me. I was supposed to get eight half days to work on my portfolio...I don't think 1 period will kill them.

I hate my 5th period class. I couldn't sleep all night because of them. Well, and numbers 1-4 above.

More Medical Mysteries

Well, my cholesterol is down to 210 (34 points...w00t!) and my bad cholesterol is at 143...I don't remember where it was before. So that's the good news. The bad news is the ultrasound and the bloodwork didn't show anything wrong with my thyroid. And last night's latest adventure was the bump...moved. It's now right under my jaw. Stil no impeding my life, but things are getting stranger. I have to call Monday to make an appointment again, obviously.

Yesterday was Cinquo De Mayo. Was supposed to go out to Margaritas, but instead we hung out here for most of the evening, drinking Lady-made maragritas, then walked our butts across the street for a few drinks. Have a bit of a headache this morning, although I suspect that is from the lack of water more than the amount of booze consumed.

My portfolio is "done." It's 83 pages long. I still have to work on the video portion, which is going to be the death of me, but my principal has signed off on it and there's nothing much more to be done. I put in to take next Friday off and then it will be officially out of my hands.

I don't think I actually taught yesterday. Oh, I had classes, and the students did work, but I think I may have avoided teaching entirely. It was kind of cool. ;) Monday I'll actually have to do some work (stupid Creative Writing kids), Tuesday I'm at a workshop, Wednesday & Thursday we teach and then Friday off again. Nice week. I still have one more PL day to use after this...I'm trying to decide when to take it...my mom has May 30th off, and it's tempting, but that's the last day I'll have with my freshmen and seniors for the year and I'd actually kind of hate to miss it. No, I think my day off needs to be in June, sometime, when my god-awful sophomores and juniors are with me.

Sidebar-I had to tell one of my sophomore classes they are no longer going to watch movies in my class. That's right, they can't sit down and shut up...therefore, no movies for them. Suffer, ya little bastards. They're also not going out to use the bathroom. Someone wrote "Smoke Weed" on my lav pass, and I know it was their class. I even have a pretty good idea as to what kid it was. Can't prove it though, so until someone fesses up, lav use is restricted. Suffer, I say again.

All right, I'm off to finish watching A Sound of Thunder, based on the Ray Bradbury short story. It's actually not too bad.

Katharine Hepburn You scored 23% grit, 14% wit, 52% flair, and 23% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women. Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 61% on grit You scored higher than 9% on wit You scored higher than 83% on flair You scored higher than 35% on class

Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Medical Update and other nonsense

So I went for my thyroid-ultrasound today. Will probably know by the end of the week what is with the up. Having an ultrasound of one's throat area is actually kind of cool, by the way, especially when they put colors on the machine. Not that y'all should rush out to have one done, but if you do, it's kinda neat.

Am having a hard time believing it is only Tuesday and wish the week would end, although that deadline of next Friday keeps looming and part of me wants time to slow down and just let me not have to worry about this stupid portfolio.

The people upstairs need to walk more quietly. Drivin' me a little bonkers with the lead feet.

There was something else I wanted to post about, but now, of course, the topic has completely flown the coop. (It almost flew the "coup," which would have involve the idea overthrowing me, I suppose, and that would have been bad.)

Anyway. I'm tired. I have to make it through House tonight and then I can sleep. Because sleep is good.

A Blast From The Past

David Duchovny Video

Does everyone remember this one from '98-'99? I found it for the roommie the other day as she had never seen it. OMG, I forgot how funny it was...and also who was in it. The quality of the video is worse than I remember, but you do get the idea.

I "finished" my portfolio on Saturday. The typing part, at least. I've got to edit it now, with the help of some god-send people, and fight with the video taped portion. Wish me luck! I'm hoping to be done with it by Friday so the prinicpal can look it over for the weekend.

Oh...happy Beltane! Remember...what happens in the woods, stays in the woods. :)